32 Comments
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Denzil Jennings's avatar

I think we all have stories of self discovery, regret, and eventually finding our way. I don’t know why our brains are so wired for social acceptance and fitting in. I had overcome and outgrown so much of that, but then going to grad school at almost 40 with classmates half my age was brutal. I always appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to share. Glad you found the deep thinking skater kid 😀

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Sarah Lavender Smith's avatar

Thank you! That’s why I went out on a limb sharing this and those painful photos, because on some level we all can relate.

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Allison Powell's avatar

What a great piece Sarah! Dressing up and praise bring up complicated feelings for so many. I too used running as a form of escape at first, before realizing how much more it could bring to my life. Thank you for sharing your journey.

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Sarah Lavender Smith's avatar

Thank you! That means a lot (especially since this post generated a lot of unsubscribes).

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Allison Powell's avatar

Ok, now I'm just fired up! This was one of the most honest pieces I've read in a while. There should be some discomfort at looking at the way girls (age 12!) were and are treated as objects in our society. But that shouldn't mean not working to grow, change, or simply celebrating your accomplishments as a teen and adult. Ugh. Genuine is one of my favorite words and this piece was genuine to a T. You shouldn't need to wear makeup or a dress to feel valuable. Wow I could go on and on. Keep being yourself Sarah!

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Sarah Lavender Smith's avatar

Wow, thank you for that and for restacking!

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Allison Powell's avatar

You're very welcome!

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David Deubelbeiss's avatar

Culture teaches us what is beauty - it takes a long time to bite at that and find your own true sense of beauty. Ultimately, western culture's concept of beauty is filled with a mechanistic materialism outlook - seeing everything as material, without purpose and to be used by power and design. Just don't buy into it - run free and at ease with who you are ... beauty is what you feel not an exterior fact.

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Sarah Lavender Smith's avatar

Thanks for that, and thanks for subscribing & reading.

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Deb Dion's avatar

This is an exceptional piece and so relatable. I especially love the ending.

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Tina Ure's avatar

I have tears in my eyes after reading - such a touching and honest piece that rings true. I had similar yet quite different experiences as a teen/in college/grad school and can relate! Currently as a Mom of two daughters (who appear to doing very well and emotionally healthy, thank goodness!) and ultrarunner, I totally

share your preference for hokas and running clothes and detest getting dressed up Thank you for sharing this very personal real-life story!

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Sarah Lavender Smith's avatar

Thank you, Tina, that means a lot! Join the paid subscriber zoom two Wednesdays from now if you can — it’d be great to see you.

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Julie B. Hughes's avatar

Thank you for your brave writing, Sarah. I smiled at the end—skateboarder dude is now your husband. I'm happy you found running, too.

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Sarah Lavender Smith's avatar

Thank you Julie ❤️

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Ali Lopez's avatar

What a great piece Sarah! Wonderful to learn even more about you. We are all more than one thing! Growing up female back then was for sure a challenge, and I love that you shared all the awkward photos... and the hard memories... and I especially love your origin love story of meeting Morgan.....

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Sarah Lavender Smith's avatar

Thank you Ali :-). I really appreciate it. Hope to see you on the upcoming zoom.

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Ali Lopez's avatar

Yes! I've missed them. Finally think I can make it!

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Leigh Fletcher's avatar

Wow this brought up a lot for me. My experience was the other end of the spectrum- conservative family that treated my developing figure as something to be ashamed of - but you carry that stuff into motherhood and life. Thank you for sharing!

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Sarah Lavender Smith's avatar

Thanks for reading!

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Polly Elizabeth's avatar

Such a vulnerable-and needed post. That time of life can be so hard for girls. I haven't been attending your monthly Zoom for awhile. I have rearranged my schedule so I can participate next week. See you then!

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Sarah Lavender Smith's avatar

Thank you and it’ll be good to see you!

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Craig Lewis's avatar

Fab post Sarah, so interesting to read more about your story and discover the different elements of you!

(Ps.. thanks for sharing the links).

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Steve Payne's avatar

Regular reader for nearly (15) years - best post yet!!!

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Sarah Lavender Smith's avatar

Wow, thanks Steve!

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Arizona Ashventures's avatar

This was a great read, and I can relate in a way. I started wearing makeup in middle school and continued all the way until a couple of years ago. It was mostly a way to fit in and appear more “socially acceptable,” as I’ve always been petite for my age and young-looking, and I didn’t want to be mistaken for a teen when I was in my 20s and holding a full-time job. I did enjoy playing with makeup as a way to express myself, but as I got more into trail and ultra running, I realized I wanted to spend more energy and money on that instead, and I felt like I was accepted in that community — dirt, scrapes and all.

Now the most I do makeup-wise on a workday is filling in my brows and maybe a swipe of mascara. For my long runs and races, I do enjoy glamming up a bit with some glitter. And I’ve always loved expressing myself through my outfits, and that applies to running as well. I appreciate you sharing your story and journey to self-acceptance!

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Josh Jackson's avatar

Well this was a wonderful read. Thanks for your vulnerability and insight. Wow. Floored by some of this. A nice companion piece to this is my friend Erin's substack on botox

-- https://erinshetron.substack.com/p/the-one-about-botox-and-also-everything

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Sarah Lavender Smith's avatar

Thank you! I will give that piece a read. As you can see from the final photo of me at the track, I have not gone down the slippery slope of Botox treatments.

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Seth LaReau's avatar

Loved reading this, Sarah! Thanks for sharing. I'm a sucker for a good story with a happy ending :)

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Scott Dunlap's avatar

Please tell me you have pictures of the short, weird skateboarder. 😇

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Sarah Lavender Smith's avatar

Scott, I don't have a good one from high school, but I added one of him to the bottom of the post (since we can't share pics in these comments) circa 1980 when he was in junior high :-). Thanks for reading.

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Scott Dunlap's avatar

Rip it up, Morgan!!! 🙌😎

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Nov 3Edited
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Sarah Lavender Smith's avatar

Thank you so much for reading and for that feedback.

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