Hitting Reset With Life and Training
After a sad few weeks, I welcome a new season
Hello friends, if you appreciate reading these posts, please consider becoming a supporter with a paid subscription to gain access to the whole story and also to join our monthly online meetup, which will be Wednesday, December 7, 5pm Mountain (link below). This is a bonus post; free posts come out Wednesdays.
I returned home Friday and am grieving the passing of our dog and the collapse of our special trip plans.
Our travel seemed jinxed. I wrote about Beso’s sudden illness two weeks ago. As a final bit of bad timing or bad luck, we stayed in Southern California after the Peru trip cancelation to celebrate Thanksgiving with family, confident that Beso’s medicine had stabilized him for at least another week. Then within 24 hours, he stopped eating or drinking and did not want to leave the spot where he had chosen to lie.
Thursday night, while we were still in California, Beso went to sleep permanently and apparently not suffering, in the company of my brother and his dogs. I am gutted and guilt-ridden we weren’t there, and now I miss his presence so much. My heart also breaks for our younger dog Dakota, who has not known life without her companion Beso and who gazes and walks around sniffing in search of him.
I was obsessing over regret and second-guessing (should we have tried to push on to Peru in spite of the airline problems and the rest of the group pulling out? should we have traveled back home last weekend to be with Beso instead of staying in California? should we have canceled all travel two weeks ago when we got Beso’s cancer diagnosis?) and then my daughter reminded me: you can’t change the past, you can only change and choose the future.
With that in mind, I am trying to reignite some motivation and positivity. I looked back at a post by the writer
from her newsletter and soaked up her pep-talk paragraph:“Whatever it is you’re working on, whatever it is you’re dreaming about, whatever path you’re trying to carve out for yourself, whatever electricity you’re trying to generate, whatever voice you’re trying to draw out of yourself, whatever way you’re trying to connect with people, whatever you’re trying to communicate with the world, whatever fire you are trying to start this morning today this week forever and ever, you can fucking do it.”
I also read this helpful post by
“on why you still haven’t written that thing.” I devote so much time and energy to ultrarunning; why can’t I do the same for a nascent writing project? I can. I am putting it out here publicly: I’m going to develop a writing project involving the life and times of my grandmother. I don’t know what direction it will take or if it will amount to anything, I just plan to work on it piece by piece, with consistency and priority, as I do with my running.And, I re-read this recent post on the CTS blog (produced by Jason Koop and his team of ultra coaches), and I did the self-exercise of reflecting on the past training season and using the take-aways to plan for the upcoming season. That’s what I’ll share with you here and encourage you to do, too.
The guided reflection outlined in that post asks us to look back on the past training season and try to answer the following:
Why did you train? Peel back the layers; for each answer, ask “why?” again. For example, if you answer “to get or stay in shape,” ask yourself, why did you want or need to get in shape, and what does “in shape” mean to you?
What goals did you have that weren’t accomplished, and why not?
What did you learn?
What goals did you reach and how?
What are your goals for the next season?
I went pretty deep with these answers, but I’ll spare you the full self-analysis and only share some of my responses.
The why: On one level, it’s to receive all the feel-good, productivity-enhancing boosts that running gives. The structure and satisfaction I gain from my training routine has ripple effects that make me more positive and clear-thinking in everyday life. I also crave the destinations and community that each ultra event creates.
On a deeper level, my “why” has to do with needing ego-gratifying accomplishment and friendships that I struggle to find in other facets of life. My identity is wrapped up with being an ultrarunner; it has defined my adulthood and long ago became much more than a hobby. Also, I’m a bit obsessed with health and fighting age, since I’m shaken by both my parents’ decline and deaths (dad from lung failure, mom from dementia). I’m driven to take care of my lungs, heart, and brain so I have health and mobility way past 80.
Finally, making the most of my running and reaching goals (such as finishing the Hardrock 100, if I ever gain an entry spot) has taken on a sense of urgency since I found out last month that my knee has a shelf life, and a knee replacement likely awaits in my future. An MRI revealed what I suspected: cartilage loss that is a precursor to osteoarthritis. The discomfort I feel there—but so far, can manage—has enhanced my appreciation for each run.
What goal(s) I didn’t accomplish and why: Finishing High Lonesome 100 stronger and with a better time than in 2021. Instead, I struggled more and found myself worried about cut-offs toward the end. I think the reason is twofold: not enough rest before the race (I didn’t recover and sleep enough after the all-nighter working a Hardrock aid station), and I didn’t have a strategy to handle nausea.
What I learned: The importance of a support system (crew/pacer, as well as physical therapy) and the need to go into a goal race fully rested and ready. I also learned how to breathe better to manage my bronchospasm and avoid stressing out my lungs in this cold high-altitude air.
The goals I reached: Running a strong sub-4-hour road marathon, thanks to smart training and speed work last winter; and structuring a training block to finish High Lonesome 100 in July.
My goals for next season:
Run another mountainous 100, hopefully Hardrock if I finally get a spot in the December 3 lottery. I love and am hooked on the annual buildup to a big mountain 100.
Take care of myself and manage my knee pain. This means prioritizing strength and mobility work, and being cognizant rather than in denial about my knee weakness, and working with an orthopedist and a PT to manage it.
Learn from a new coach and make the most of her guidance! I’m excited I’ll start working with Chantelle Robitaille in early December, for at least six months. After coaching for nearly nine years, I felt my learning and methods plateaued, and I’m glad I put my coaching on hiatus to pursue other part-time work (substitute teaching). I’m eager to be the student instead of the coach and follow Chantelle’s program.
I had a goal to run a sub-24 flatter, faster 100 and signed up for the May 6 Thames Path 100. I might scratch that now, if we reschedule the Peru trip for spring. My husband isn’t excited about going to England for this, and it’s feeling extravagant in terms of the expense. I may choose a different, more runnable 100, depending on the Hardrock lottery outcome.
What about you? It would be great to hear your answers to some of these questions at our next Zoom meetup, which will be Wednesday, December 7, 5pm Mountain (4 Pacific, 7 Eastern).
Here is the link: